CATS, PAWS AND FUR-Y!

From the far reaches of the Jellicle world, we are proud to present to you...

"CATS": PAWS OF FUR-Y


Featured Match-up

Mr. MISTOFELLEES Vs. RUM TUM TUGGER

The two announcers for the fight, Pouncival and Alonzo, enter the junkyard, where they are met with a huge crowd of jellicles. They take their places inside the broken TV they use as their booth...

Pouncival: Hi everyone! Oh, I'm so excited! Eeeeee! Ooooh! I can't help myself! Alonzo man, stop me!!!
Alonzo: (grabs Pouncival by the ears and pulls) Get a grip! Need some coffee? (pushes cup of coffee over to Pouncival) Here, have some of mine!
Pouncival: No thanks, I'm trying to get off of that stuff. I'll just stick to my Mountain Dew thank you very much! (Guzzles down bottle) OH! THAT WAS GREAT!!! Anyhow, Welcome to "Cats" Paws of Fur-y's grand opening! (gestures to big tarp that says "Big old Bob's Grand Opening Bash!")
Alonzo: Ummm... who's Bob?
Pouncival: I dunno, I just found this in the garbage can next to his store. It's closed down now anyway. Anyhow, how about getting around some of the Cat Chit-Chat?
Alonzo: Yeah! Alright fans, this is wear you get to speak out about who you voted for and why! So, here are a few for you!

Bombalurina explains, "A hard choice, but I'd have to choose Rum Tum Tugger! Mr. Mistoffeles is a cute litte cat, but Tugger is just plain sexy. Oooo yeah, and he really knows how to move those hips!!! I don't blame all the female cats for being head-over-heels for him: he's tall, dark and handsome. And not only that, he can sing and dance too!!! Well, in the play at least...Tugger is also very suave. He's the "cool" cat. He is very held-back with his emotions, but shows probably the most genuine joy for Old Deutoronomy. He's a fun-loving cat, who I wouldn't mind meeting myself....although to have him as a cat would be a royal pain in the butt. :) It's his aire and the way he presents himself that really distinguishes him from the other cats. And once again, the cats don't mind a pelvic thrust here and there once in a while. :) And the most important reason why I'm for RTT, is because his personality is sooo much like mine!

Krust-off says, "Hmmm, lemme think.. Tugger could beat Mistof but then I'd have to go over there and beat Tugger, so I'd say MISTOF KICKS...... Yoou get my veiw, in other words I chose Mistoffelees, the Magical Cat. Hehe. Reason? Because Mistof wil magically make, um, Cassandra, yeah, Cassandrea appear in front of him then Tugger will start, uh, checking her out, yeah, then he'll be distracted, then, Mistof will disappear than reappear behind Tugger then succesfully knock him out. AND THE WINNER IS...............MMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!! may the best, err, black&white cat win. He...................he........


Alonzo :And it looks to be a thrilling event, folks! in this corner, weighing in at 7 pounds, 6 ounces...(long pause, stares at Pouncival to finish the sentece...)
Poncival: Umm........ yes?
Alonzo: (speaks out of corner of mouth) I was kind of hoping you'd fill that in, bozo...
Pouncival: But, I don't see anyone in the corner. Who's sposed to be in the corner!?
Alonzo: Wha....? (looks on the other side of the arena and sees the two contenders talking...)
Tugger: Expresso's okay, but I don't like it when they make it to creamy.
Misto: Well, that's why I avoid the stuff. Especially when they put all of that caffiene in it! After one sip, I'm off shooting mailboxes off of their posts!
Alonzo: Hey, Tugger! Misto! Get out here! You're upsetting the fans! (fans start going, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!") I think the fans are a lil' confused...
Pouncival: Do they want Seinfeld or MungoJerry?

(Rumple, in the audience, grabs onto Mungo yelling, "YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! HE'S MINE!!!)

Alonzo: Sheesh! I think Rumple's got a hairball! Well, it doesn';t matter, because here come our heroes now! like I said before, n this corner, weighing in at 7 pouinds 6 ounces, the Marvelous Mr. Mistoffelees!
Pouncival: No, Alonzo, he's the MAGICAL Mr. Mistofellees! Wow! Look at that! Ooh, pretty lights flying out of his hands. Oh, boy, those flashing lights are kinda bright! Oh! Look at the spots! Anyhow, if Misto's in that corner, does that mean Tugger should be in the other one...?
Alonzo: I think so...(notices Tugger standing by Mistofellees) Hey, Tugger! you're in the wrong corner! There ya go. Okay, weighing in at 15 pounds 3 ounces, the one and only Curious Cat, Rum Tum Tugger!

(the crowd goes wild, Misto looks hurt but not too bad)

Pouncival: Poor Misto...Look at Etcetera, there in the audience...she's going nuts...

Etcetera: TUGGER! I LOVE YOU! I WANNA BE THE MOTHER OF YOUR KITTENS!!!!!

Alonzo: Victoria is approaching the ring... it looks like she's signaling Misto...
Pouncival: I don't think she's signaling Misto. We know waht good freinds tehy are and I don't think she'd "signal" him as dirty as she is. Well, while she's around...(grabs sign that says round 1) Hey Victoria! Could you help us out here?

(Victoria slowly inches away from the ring pretending to not to hear Pouncival)

Pouncival: Oh, that spoiled rotten...Oops! Can't say that here! Ehehehe..oh gee...We'll, all that put aside, let the fight begin! (gets out a big hammer and hits Rumpus Cat over the head, making a loud hollow "Bong" noise)
Rumpus Cat: Thunder...?
Alonzo: No, no thunder, big boy. It's okay. Anywhoo! (to Misto & Tugger) shake hands and come out fighting!
Pouncival: Oh, look, there shaking hands...funny, Tugger seems to shaking all over! Oh look-it! Mistofellees tricks Tugger by buzzing him with an electric charge! (sniffs scent eminating from Tugger) Mmm, that smells delicious!
Alonzo: Heehee... cooked Tugger! Ouch! He retaliates by pulling Misto's tail out from between his legs and flipping him over! It doesn't look like he's getting up, Pounce... But wait!
Pouncival: Mistofellees just melted through the ground! But, Tugger didn't throw water on him...I'm confoosesesesed... My head hurts (sucks thumb).
Alonzo: What's this? He's popped up behimnd Tugger and has him in a deathlock!
Pouncival: (oblivious to the fight) Ooh! Look! I just found a jelly bean on the ground! Ooh, purple! Purple's are good!
Alonzo: Nah.... purple is nasty. Here, try a cantaloupe! (hands Pouncival box of Jelly Belly Jellybeans)
Pouncival: Cantaloupe? Blech! What insane fourth-world country would make canaloupe jelly beans? I'm sticking to my purple!
Alonzo: Ex-CUSE me? I happen to LIKE cantaloupe! Here, try roasted marshamallow (pops one into mouth) mmmm!
Pouncival: Hah! Don't bother trying to junk up my system with that stuff! Purple's are less filling!
Alonzo: But they're so...so...ordinary! I mean, come on... purple? Now, frozen pea jelly beans taste great!
Pouncival: Less Filling!
Alonzo: TASTES GREAT!
Pouncival: LESS FILLING!
Alonzo: TASTES GREAT!

(Announcers begin fighting over the jelly beans. Misto and Tugger notice as the two begin jumping on each other and roll out of the TV and into the arena.)

Alonzo: (snarls) you can just take this purple jellybean....and shove it up your nose! HA! (tries to fit bean) up Pounce's nose)
Misto: Umm, they aren't paying attention...should we keep going?
Tugger: Uh, I'm not sure...

(Alonzo throttles Pouncival who pulls repeatedly on his ears) Misto: We can talk about coffee again...but that'll get boring too quick...
Tugger: (points to the broken TV) Let's just sit over there for a minute while they duke it out. Hey! Let's have some fun with this! (clears throat) And Pounce shoves a pop corn jelly bean up Alonzo's nose!!
Misto: Pop corn?

(Alonzo shoots the jellybean out of his nose. It boumces off Pouncival's forehead)

Tugger: Oops. Meant to say pop corn, but I saw crows cirlcing over heads and got a little nervous that they might...ooh! That was awesome! (points at Alonzo and Pouncival)
Misto: Alonzo delivers back by pounding Pouncival with a pepperoni pizza jelly bean!

(Etcetera wails in background)

Etcetera: I WANNA SEE TUGGER FIGHT! C'MON TUGGER! KICK MISTO'S AND BOTH OF THEIR BUTTS!
Misto: Grrr...
Alonzo and Pouncival: WHO SAID THAT?!
Etcetera: Um... it was her! (points to Victoria) Pouncival: Oh, it figures, that little..whoops! Can't that either! (notices Tugger and Misto in the anouncer's spots) HEY! THEY'RE IN OUR TV! GET OUT OF THERE OR I'LL KNOCK YOU OUT MYSELF!!!
Tugger: (grinning) Ya know, guys, she's right. I could whoop your butts easy!
Pouncival: Ooh, I hate it when everyone else is right...Just get out of our TV!! We're the anouncers!
Tugger: (thumps chest) you want a piece of me?
Etcetera: I DO!!! I WANNA PIECE OF YOU!!!!
Misto: Now guys...C'mon Tugger, let's just get it over with...
Tugger: yeah, it shouldn't take long. *sticks tongue out at Pounce and Alonzo*
Misto: What's that supposed to mean?
Tugger: You'll find out kiddo...

(Misto and Tugger get back into the arena while Pounce and Alonzo take there places in the TV)
Pouncival: Oh, precious TV! I missed you so much! Alonzo: Okay... (glares at Pouncival)...back to the show! Pouncival: There's a show on?! What channel? Oh, wait, the TV's broken. Oh! Look! Look! Tugger picks up Misto and throws him at the trunk of the car! Ouch! Talk about crunch time...Misto gets back up, but Tugger rushes him again! Misto sticks out his hands! It looks like he's going to zap him!

(Misto's hands sparkle, but nothing happens)

Misto: Oh, shoot!
Tugger: What's wrong?
Misto: It's not working again!

(The contenders stop to see what the problem is)

Pouncival: No! Don't stop! More fighting! C'MON! Somebody hit someone! (Alonzo hits Pouncival over the head) Ow! I didn't mean it like that!
Misto: (Trying again, but failing): Shoot! It still won't work! Tugger: Oh well...(Tugger pounces on Misto. They roll around on the ground, hissing and clawing each other)
Pouncival: This is getting dirty! Really, they shouldn't roll around in all of that mud...
Etcetera: HEY TUGGER LOOK!!! (Etcetera jumps in mud and rolls around) LOOK AT ME!!! I'M ROLLING IN MUD!!!
Pouncival: Hey! Look! Misto's up again! Tugger's swinging at him! HAHAHAHA! Look at Misto! He's actually trying to punch Tugger back! That looks funny! HAHAHAHA! (Malachi throws a boot at Pouncival and hits him right in the face) Geez, you people! You just have to pick on the kitten, huh?
Malachi: (from on the car) Hey! Uncle Mistofellees! Blow him up or something!!!
Alonzo: Tugger punches Misto right in the face and OH! he's down for the count! (runs out to the arena) 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9...
Pouncival: Uh, Alonzo, you might wanna back away, Misto's melting again! (and Misto got more votes too)
Alonzo: What the...?

(Misto appears from out of no where and falls on Tugger)

Pouncival: AH! It's raining cats and dogs! Alonzo: DOGS? Where? AAAAAHHHH!!! (runs around in circles, panicking) Pouncival: (hiding under a box) Umm, where are the rest of the cats and dogs?
Alonzo: You nut, there aren't any! But Misto is jumping up and down on top of Tugger!
Ttlspaz: OH! TUGGER JUST HIT MISTOFELLEES..THERE! IN THAT AREA! OH, DEAR GOD NO. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN...WELL, FOR CRYIN LIKE LUCY RICARDO!!
Alonzo: Eeep! But wait! Misto is pulling Tugger's hair out! All of his mane... gone! Well, not gone... there's too much of it for that! Pouncival: HAHAHA! TUGGER'S BALDING!!!
Etcetera (From on a junkpile): NO! TUGGER! YOUR HAIR'S JUST A LITTLE MISSING! IT'S STILL GOOD! IT'S STILL GOOD!!
Pouncival: Look! Tugger grabs Misto and slams him! Wow, feel the powe, and the pain, oy!
Alonzo: Oooh, that is going to hurt in the morning.
Pouncival: (who has a low attention span):...We love you in the morning and in the afternoon, we love you in the evening underneath the moon! Hey, skinimerinky-dinky-dink, skinimerinky-do...
Alonzo: Do you think Misto can retaliate?
Pouncival: What? Who? Oh! If he can charge up a really powerful blast, he may have a chance...But, he doesn't look to good, not after that slam...Wait! He struggles over to a cloth and begins waving it around! Ooh, it looks like we're in for a trick! Oh, maybe he'll make bananas appear! (Hungry, Pounce thinks about bananas)...Mmm, pretty, and oh so nutritious!
Alonzo: Oooh, lookit all the purty sparklies! What's under the cloth, d'ya think? Why, it's Cassandra! Maybe he messed up again! What good is she going to do?
Pouncival: I don't know, but Both Misto and Tugger have goofy grins on their faces...Tugger's practically flirting with Casandra now!
Etcetera:NO! I'M YOUR ONE AND ONLY! SHE DOESN"T LOVE YOU! I DO! WOULD SHE ROLL AROUND IN MUD TO PROVE HER LOVE?!
Alonzo: Somebody cool that cat! Tugger seems to be following
Cassandra's every move... Misto raises his paws, it looks like he's praying...
Ttlspaz: A ball of light appears between his hands! Look at that thing! It's getting bigger and bigger and brighter...ooh, pretty spots!...Tugger's still flirting with Cassandra! Hey! She just dissappeared! Tugger's surprised! Uh-oh! Misto has just lauched the energy ball at Tugger! And, WHAM! Tugger is sent flying! He hits the ground hard!
Etcetera: (rushes to Tugger's prone body) NO! GET UP TUGGER! KICK HIS CAN! OH, MY BABY'S HURT!!! I CAN'T STAND TO SEE HIM HURT! MY POOR BABY!!!
Alonzo: (while holding back Etcetera) 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... (Etcetera claws him on the ear) Hey, watch it, girlie! Pounce, ya wanna help me out here?
Etcetera: (sobs) NOOOOOOOOO!!! DON'T WORRY TUGGER! I'LL NEVER LET GO!!!
Pouncival: Okay, Etcetera, let's go. Etcetera: WHAT DID I JUST GET DONE SAYING?! (Etcetera beats up Pouncival) I WON'T LET THEM TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME TUGGER!
Alonzo: Good Heaviside! He's not dead, for crying out loud! (out of the side of his mouth, to Pounce) is he? 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10...
Pouncival: No, he's just having a really bad day. And the fight is over! Mistofellees is declared the winner!

(Etcetera looks at Misto)

Etcetera: I WILL AVENGE YOU, MY LOVE!!!!

(Etcetera chases Misto around. Krust-a-cat jumps into the arena and begins yellling at Etcetera)

Krust-off: Don't you dare hurt him you Freakin nutcase!!! Ominous Voice: ENOUGH!!!
Alonzo: What in Heaviside was that?!

(A bright red leight flashes in the arena. Macavity materializes as MungoJerry and RumpleTeazer scram out of the arena)

Macavity: So, what is this I hear about match-ups and why wasn't I invited?
Pouncival: (Cowering): Well, we sent out the invitations and everything, but we thought that it would be best that you didn't come!
Macavity: WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU...
Alonzo: You're not gonna cast a spell on us making us prick ourselves on a spindle and make us fall asleep for a hundred years are you?
Macavity: (calmed down) Hmmm...No, but mark my words, I will become part of this, whether you like it or not. And I will be the champion! AHAHAHAHAHA.....

(Macavity fades away and the spectators relax)

Pouncival: Oh jeez, I'm always managing to make someone angry!
Alonzo: That was a close one. Well fans, this match is over, with Mistofellees coming out on top! Stay tunes in for our next featured fight, which will be announced later! Until the, here's is our featured "quote from the fight" Enjoy yourselves! Until next match-up!
Pouncival: Alonzo?
Alonzo: Yeah, Pounce?
Pouncival: Well, you know how MAcavity really scares me? Well, I didn't quite make it to the kitty litter...

THE FEATURED QUOTE IS

"...Mmm, pretty, and oh so nutritious!"

-Pouncival

FINAL VOTING COUNT

Mr. Mistofellees*****Rum Tum Tugger

11**********4

Whee! That was fun!